Category Archives: Versus

Megatron vs. Megatron

Posted on by
Reply

Megatron vs. Megatron

Usually on Versus, opponents fight each other based on similar personalities and characteristics. But sometimes, all you have in common with someone else is a name. Luckily, that’s more than enough reason to fight to the death!

Today, we bring you the battle of Megatron, the evil Transformer, and Megatron, the NFL wide receiver who’s an overall pretty decent guy. But he’s in for the fight for his life, against a homicidal robot with tons of firepower and an unquenchable thirst to destroy all humanity.

The Contenders:

Decepti “Megatron” Con

Megatron

As Seen In: The Transformers

Created By: The Quintessons. Or, if you want to be boring and technical about it, Hasbro.

Named For: It sounding awesome. What cool 80’s kid wouldn’t badger their parents into spending $19.95 on a piece of plastic called MEGATRON?

Notable Strengths: Evil and tyrannical, with no regard for human or robotic life. Shoots lasers from his eyes. Has a cannon for an arm.

Notable Weaknesses: Not much for strategy; prefers to just yell and fight and shoot, hoping for the best. Blindly arrogant. Employs Starscream, who constantly challenges Megatron’s authority at the worst possible times.

Most Badass Moment: Killing Optimus Prime, a rarity in children’s entertainment. Rita never killed the Power Rangers. Shredder never made soup out of the Turtles. But Megatron actually murdered the good guy! For a little while anyways.

Least Badass Moment: Getting his ass kicked by a can of spray paint.

Megatron

Graffiti artists: making subways pretty, destroying homicidal robots. What CAN’T they do?

Calvin “Megatron” Johnson

Calvin Megatron Johnson

As Seen In: The National Football League

Created By: His Mommy and Daddy

Named For: Having gigantic hands, just like the robot. Yes, that’s a true story. A fellow player nicknamed him Megatron because of his big-ass hands. In that case, why not just call him Andre The Giant? That guy was legit bigger than half the Decepticons anyway.

Megatron

You shall make a tasty midnight snack, oh ho ho ho ho

Notable Strengths: Incredibly strong and fast, with gigantic hands and a 45-inch vertical that would be the envy of damn near every NBA star not named Jordan.

Notable Weaknesses: Plays for the Detroit Lions. That’s like roasting the most delicious Thanksgiving turkey ever, and sticking it on the table next to a bunch of week-old Big Mac Extra Value meals.

Most Badass Moment: Making the cover of Madden ’13, which prompted everybody to scream AGH, MAAAAADDDDENNN CURRRRRSE. He’s having his best year ever, and just shattered the record for most receiving yards in a single season. That should kill any Curse talk until next year, when everyone will start braying about it again like nothing ever happened.

Least Badass Moment: Scoring a touchdown but spiking the ball while still in motion, thus having it ruled an incomplete pass. Silly Megatron: you’re supposed to hold onto the ball, get up, go a stupid dance with it, and THEN spike the damn thing.

The Showdown

This battle would purely be 1-on-1, which neither side would bitch about. The Decepticons are classically horrible at the whole being-evil thing, and the Lions are so bad that even people who hate football know they suck.

Now, on the surface, Megatron The Robot should crush Megatron The Footballer, being a giant robot and all. However, for those envisioning another Bambi vs. Godzilla, bear in mind that immediately squishing puny humans into a tasty pulp just isn’t dramatic enough for a megalomaniacal robot overlord.

No, this battle would involve Robot Megatron shooting endlessly, while Johnson just ducks, dodges, and runs and runs and runs. He’d basically employ the old Muhammad Ali rope-a-dope method. Keep moving, let his opponent run out of ammo, and go in for the kill.

But how? Even sans firepower, Megatron’s still a huge robot. Luckily for Johnson, he’s a pretty stupid one. His arrogance, pride, and hatred is shockingly easy to exploit; all Johnson would need to do is start taunting him about, oh, anything. His past failures, Starscream, how dumb he looks in the Michael Bay movies, and whatever else comes to his head. Megatron would almost certainly lose it and begin throwing random shit in a blind rage.

This would allow Johnson to do what he does best: catch shit. All Metal Megatron has to do is chuck a large rock, or a camera, or a piece of the goal post, and Flesh Megatron will catch it with his apparently robot-sized hands, and throw it right back at his foe. Repeat several times over, and the robot should soon be busted beyond repair.

Of course, there’s one other issue here: Johnson’s too damn nice! He goes to work, plays better football than almost anybody, and then goes home. No bluster, no scandals, no braggadocio, no nothing. Just football. That’s not going to be enough if your goal is to troll an evil robot into chucking weaponry at you.

So Johnson will need to do some pre-fight training. He’ll have to find somebody who’s great at inciting rage through taunts and biting comments. But it’s face-to-face, so YouTube commenters and 4Chan trolls need not apply. Instead, he’ll have to hire a proven real-life troll, like Chad Ochocinco, to fire him up. Ocho would work tirelessly to turn Johnson into a trash-talker extraordinaire, capable of making even the most hardened robot see red.

The Victor

Unfortunately for robot aficionados everywhere, Calvin Johnson has this one in the bag. Megatron is just too pigheaded to win much of anything. Even when he managed to kill Optimus Prime, he damn near died himself in the process.

Also, spray paint. Yes, we’ve mentioned that already, but it’s ridiculous enough to mention again. Nobody’s winning a battle to the death if they’ve already proven they can’t stand up to The Krylon Touch. And until Johnson tears his ACL thanks to a horrible wiffleball attack, then the only thing the Decepticon will win at, is finding the stupidest possible way to lose.

 

Hulk Hogan vs. Mechagodzilla

Posted on by
Reply

Hulk Hogan vs. Mechagodzilla

Two perfect things can’t exist on the same planet without them clashing or having sex. It’s why the phrase “an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was invented, and also why Jay-Z and Beyonce were destined to breed for thousands of years. However, since this is a Versus, the two perfect things of choice will go with the battling route. Those hoping for the more loving option will simply have to wait for a link to my fan fiction. So, without any sort of introduction, we take you to the Tokyo HyperDome, for WRESTLEMANIA DCCVII. Your main event is a war for the ages, one whispered into the wind for generations.

HULK HOGAN VS MECHAGODZILLA!

The Contenders

Hulk Hogan

Hulk Hogan

As Seen In: Saturday Night’s Main Event, Suburban Commando, No Holds Barred.

Catchphrase: “What’cha gonna do, brother, when Hulkamania runs wild on you?”*

Origin Story: Has always existed. Came into the public eye when he broke Iron Sheik’s Camel Clutch and became WWF Champion, thus inventing the word “celebrity” as we know it today.

Best Known For: Blond hair, 24 inch pythons, slamming 1,700 pound Andre the Giant in front of thirty billion screaming Hulkamaniacs.

Notable Strengths: Can harness the power of Hulkamania. At a certain point, punches will only make him stronger. Leg drops. Can slam any opponent, no matter their size, if he gets to the proper energy level.

Notable Weaknesses: For a short time, betraying America (or Hogan himself) will make Hogan confused enough for enemies to land hits on him.

Best Moment: Former patriot, Sgt. Slaughter, allies himself with Saddam Hussein, and wins the WWF Championship. Hogan thinks this is complete bullshit and beats Slaughter at Wrestlemania VII for the title. Peace is established in the Middle East forever. Oh wait…

Mechagodzilla

Mechagodzilla

As Seen In: Every Godzilla movie with the word “Mechagodzilla” in the title.

Catchphrase: “SCHEEUUUUHHHRRRRRRRUHHHUHUHUHRRRRRRUUUURHRURH”

Origin Story: Sometimes created by the government, but most famously created by the asshole Black Hole Planet 3 aliens who, in order to conquer the world, decided to go with the irony of building something that looked like earth’s mightiest defender, rather than the obvious space bomb.

Best Known For: Beating the hell out of Godzilla five times, sometimes dresses up like Godzilla to mess with everyone.

Notable Strengths: Finger missles, laser breath and eyes, knee rockets, chest laser, force field, flight.

Notable Weaknesses: Prone to having his head ripped off. Later versions of him ran out of energy after a while, so he’s a badass within a certain timeframe.

Best Moment: An atomic Eiffel Tower almost occurs when Mechagodzilla is approached on one side by a peeved Godzilla and on the other by a consistently under-whelming dog/idiot King Caesar. Mechagodzilla spun his head around to use his eye lasers, while shooting finger missiles forward, effectively knocking down both attackers.

The Match

Entrance Themes: Hulk Hogan would enter the fray to the familiar strains of “Real American,” while Mechagodzilla enters to the sound of his own rocket feet.

Preparation: Mechagodzilla does karate poses. Hogan is unimpressed and rips off his shirt, throwing it across Mount Fuji and into a lucky child’s hands (and heart.) Hogan flexes and motions for the crowd to cheer harder. The crowd, dead and dying from Mechagodzilla’s recent attack, have bigger concerns and remain unresponsive.

Opening Moves: It starts off with a grappling game. Hogan has the flexibility of a baseball bat’s corpse, but that’s still slightly better than Mechagodzilla’s. After pushing him back and delivering a few clotheslines, Hogan throws Mechagodzilla outside the ring. He then motions for the crowd’s support.

Somewhere, an inconsolable mother screams for her child to awaken.

Long-Range Advantage: Mechagodzilla re-enters the ring as tentatively as the Planet 3 aliens will allow him to, and then launches an eye laser at a charging Hogan. Hogan falls, but gets back up quickly, only to receive finger missiles to the chest. Hogan is down. Mechagodzilla begins his barrage and pushes Hogan back into a corner. Mechagodzilla initiates the very technical plan of making sure that Hogan doesn’t punch him by blasting him with every weapon in his arsenal, point-blank.

Busted Open: Hogan takes a laser to the forehead and starts to bleed. He does this gratuitously, and more than any normal human ever should. Mechagodzilla takes this chance to lock on a sleeper hold and Hogan seems unable to fight out of it. He comes close to passing out.

Special guest, Cyndi Lauper, is at ringside. She seems completely nonplussed about everything going on.

The referee, Mothra, holds up Hogan’s wrist. It falls.

1….

Hogan’s wrist drops again. Outer space beings prepare their earthling-rape kits.

2….

Hogan’s wrist drops out of Mothra’s grip and his hand nearly hits the mat, but he suddenly raises it high and begins to shake his fist. He elbows Mechagodzilla and breaks the grip. Mechagodzilla activates his force field and Hogan does a “No, no” finger wave in Mechagodzilla’s face.

Hulkamania has kicked in. Not even God can save Mechagodzilla now.

Hogan starts to hulk up and the fate of America is looking pretty fucking good.

Interference: Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase and Cowboy Bob Orton rush down to the ring, but Hogan quickly dispatches Orton with a clothesline. Hogan then grabs DiBiase and Mechagodzilla and bashes their skulls together. DiBiase goes down and Mechagodzilla’s head comes off. The Planet 3 aliens, having seen the previous pay-per-view, retreat back into space.

Finish: Hogan throws Mechagodzilla against the ropes and as Mechagodzilla runs back towards him, Hogan drops the robotic lizard with a boot to the neck, since the face is not an option at the point.

Hogan delivers a running leg drop to Mechagodzilla and covers him. Mothra, knocked out at sometime during the brawl, is replaced by Rodan, who makes the three count. Hogan celebrates the win by throwing Rodan out into a crowd, which has gathered around Tokyo to wonder when they’ll finally get a break. Hundreds are crushed.

Hogan flexes some more and exits, while “Real American” plays again.

Vince McMahon asks Mechagodzilla to take a four month hiatus, so that the writing team can think of a better gimmick for the machine. They settle on “ninja,” and “Shin Obi” soon debuts. The reaction is mixed.

*There is no correct answer to this.

Versus: HAL 9000 vs. GLaDOS

Posted on by
Reply

Despite the fact that computers have done so much to enrich our daily lives, most of us still don’t entirely trust them. That probably has a lot to do with pop culture: dozens of films, books, and video games over the years have shown us that terrible things tend to happen to people who put too much trust in computers.

In this installment of VERSUS, we pit two of the least trustworthy computers of all time against one another. One is the iconic villain of Stanley Kubrick’s cinematic masterpiece “2001: A Space Odyssey.” The challenger is GLaDOS, the sadistic (yet loveable) antagonist of Valve’s popular “Portal” game series.

The Contenders

HAL 9000

As seen in: “2001: A Space Odyssey” and “2010: The Year We Make Contact”

Created by: Sir Arthur C. Clarke

Voiced by: Douglas Rain

Origin story: Created by Dr. Chandra, HAL became operational at a plant in Illinois. HAL was an incredibly high-powered and respected computer system, but malfunctioned when he was installed on the American space vessel Discovery One, causing the death of four astronauts. The cause of HAL’s malfunction was simple: HAL could not reconcile his programming with orders he was given to conceal information from Discovery’s crew.

Notable strengths: Speech recognition, chess, aeronautics calculations. Oh, and lip-reading, much to the chagrin of Doctors Bowman and Poole.

Notable weaknesses: Unable to process contradictory orders without having a psychotic break. Lacks self-preservation drive, as demonstrated when HAL sacrifices himself in “2010.”

Creepiest quote: After Dave returns to the ship and HAL has killed the rest of the crew, HAL says the following in a calm, whispering, monotone voice: “Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.” Is it possible to be a sociopath when you’re a computer?

GLaDOS

As seen in: “Portal” and “Portal 2″

Created by: Jeremy Bennettt and Erik Wolpaw

Voiced by: Ellen McLain

Origin story: Designed by Aperture Science, GLaDOS is a personality construct that was originally conceived by Cave Johnson. After Cave’s death, his assistant Caroline was (almost certainly) forced to become part of the GLaDOS system. After Caroline was merged with the existing system, GLaDOS started to exhibit homicidal tendencies. Additional personality cores were added to the system to curb these violent outbursts, but with little success: GLaDOS eventually flooded the entire Aperture facility with neurotoxin.

Notable strengths: The neurotoxin is a pretty deadly weapon GLaDOS has at her disposal. Additionally, she controls rockets and turrets. None of these are as frightening as her sadistic remarks to Chell.

Notable weaknesses: With so many composite personalities, GLaDOS is incredibly unstable.

Creepiest quote: “Your entire life has been a mathematical error… a mathematical error I’m about to correct!”

How A Showdown Would Play Out

In “2001,” HAL is basically described as infallible. As HAL himself explains, “The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.”

While HAL does eventually have a malfunction (quite the understated euphemism for killing four innocent people), HAL does definitely have a more logical approach to making his decisions, which gives him an edge over the irrational rages of GLaDOS. That being said, lies have a peculiar effect on HAL…and the cake is the biggest lie of all.

GLaDOS is, without question, far more antagonistic than HAL. She has an uncanny ability to unnerve humans, and a delicate program like HAL would probably feel very angered and hurt by her creatively cruel barbs.

But GLaDOS isn’t just more cruel than HAL…she’s also better equipped. While the neurotoxin wouldn’t damage HAL, the rockets definitely would. Unless HAL is given some firepower of his own, any confrontation between the two computers would end within a matter of moments.

Unless, of course, GLaDOS felt like drawing out HAL’s “death” for her own amusement. Can you imagine if HAL was forced to incinerate a companion cube of his own?

If HAL and GLaDOS were people, they would probably both be institutionalized after their very serious mental breakdowns. But while both systems are “crazy,” only one system is inherently violent.

While GLaDOS seems to take perverse pleasure in tormenting engineers and test subjects, HAL only killed people after being threatened with death (ie being disconnected.) In fact, HAL is perfectly willing to sacrifice himself to save human lives in “2010.” Bottom line: HAL just isn’t as bloodthirsty as GLaDOS, and that gives her the edge in any face-off between the two.

But if GLaDOS happened to have “brain tumor”/Intelligence Dampening Sphere Wheatley attached to her systems, she could find herself quite vulnerable indeed. Unless, of course, she found a way to make Wheatley dampen HAL’s intelligence.

The Victor

The fact of the matter is that any human who crosses path with either HAL or GLaDOS has very little chance of surviving that encounter. But if the two systems go head to head, who will reign supreme?

If HAL and GLaDOS set out to destroy each other, GLaDOS would almost certainly prevail. She’s more creative in combat, and she does have a better set of weapons at her disposal. Plus, you know…portals.

Of course, there is another possible outcome…HAL and GLaDOS could join forces instead.

Dear God. The entire human race would go extinct if these two ever seized power.

Who do you think would win in a fight between HAL and GLaDOS? Weigh in with your thoughts in the comments section below!

Versus: President Captain America vs. President Lex Luthor

Posted on by
Reply

Versus: President Captain America vs President Lex Luthor

With election season at an end, and another four years of an Obama presidency ensured, we thought it was time to take a look at another political showdown. Forget Obama versus Romney… we want to know if the American people would rather have Captain America or Lex Luthor as their President.

The clear favorite has gotta be Cap. After all, most people would rather live under the rule of an American hero than a supervillain. But is this question really as clear-cut as it seems? Let’s take a look at the fictional Presidencies of these comic book icons.

Captain America

Created by: Joe Simon and Jack Kirby

Origin story: A scrawny soldier takes a dose of a super-serum that transforms his physique almost instantly. Working with the Army, the Avengers, and S.H.I.E.L.D. over the years, Cap has tirelessly protected the American way of life.

Best Known For: Punching Hitler in the face, surviving being frozen in a glacier for two decades, opposing the Superhuman Registration Act.

Notable strengths: Great physical strength and agility, expert tactician, inspiring leader. Uses a shield made of vibranium in combat, which absorbs the energy of any attack directed at it.

Notable weaknesses: Can be shot with regular bullets. Easily manipulated by villains who threaten civilian lives. Arguably, too trusting of his own government (depending on who’s writing him.)

Term of Presidency: Considered a run back in the 1980s, but rejected the nomination. This past September, Cap was made President by a special election in Ultimate Comics Ultimates #16. But he won’t be sitting in the Oval Office: Cap will be in the field, rebuilding, reuniting, and reconnecting the American people.

Political leanings: Bleeding Cool notes that old-school Cap is a bit more liberal than the more conservative Ultimate Captain America. They describe him as “very much on the right” and “a little bit nutty, [like] Glenn Beck after a lifetime in the gym.”

Most badass moment as President: Cap’s only been President for about three issues now, so his true badassery is likely a bit down the line. However, accepting the position of President, and then immediately jumping into a fighter jet was pretty awesome.

Lex Luthor

Created by: Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster

Origin story: In the Golden Age, Lex was a super-genius with a dirigible and a love for instigating war and playing with robots, then got re-imagined in the 1980s as an evil corporate exec.

Best Known For: Being bald, or having a massive shock of red hair. Killing his own parents. Trying to kill Supes with Kryptonite every chance he gets. Created three Superman villains: Parasite, Bizarro, and Metallo.

Notable strengths: Genius with a penchant for advanced tech. Ridiculous amounts of wealth. Occasionally uses a robotic battle suit to fight and fly.

Notable weaknesses: Power mad, to the point of self-destruction. He once gave himself cancer because he refused to take off a ring made of kryptonite.

Term of Presidency: Luthor was elected as the nation’s 43rd President back in 2000, but lost power in 2004 after getting too arrogant during a battle and revealing his villainous intentions. He left the Presidency in disgrace, leaving his Vice President, Pete Ross, to pick up the pieces.

Political leanings: There have been a lot of great quips about Luthor’s character over the years, but my personal favorite is my friend Larry’s assessment of Lex’s time in the Oval Office– “President Luthor is a mix of all the worst aspects of Nixon, Donald Trump, and Mitt Romney.”

Most badass moment as President: Despicable as it was, it was pretty impressive that he was able to convince the entire country (and the JLA) to hunt down national heroes like Superman and Batman in the wake of the “kryptonite asteroid.”

Foreign Policy

Comic Book Presidents

Every American wants to have a President that makes them feel secure from foreign enemies. Surprisingly, both Lex and Cap have that ability.

Let’s start with Lex, who defeated the ultimate in foreign threats: aliens! In the Our Worlds At War storyline, President Lex is able to coordinate the Army, superheroes, and supervillains alike to defeat the alien Imperiex. It was an impressive victory, and scored him some major political clout. There was just one problem: Lex had known Imperiex was coming all along, and even used the situation to his benefit by making some shady deals with some bad guys.

As for Cap…well, for starters, he punched Adolf Hitler in the face. He’s a decorated war hero, thwarted would-be terrorists, and stopped anarchists in their tracks. He’s mostly been focusing on domestic issues since accepting the Presidency, but that’s to be expected given the fact that America is tearing itself apart in the Marvel Universe right now.

 

Domestic Policy

Comic Book Presidents

Given the amount of natural disasters and collateral damage the average American city sees in comic books, it’s important for a Marvel or DC President to take care of his citizens.

Lex’s first order of business upon taking office was to suggest a moratorium on the sale of fossil fuels, hoping to put “a flying car in every garage.” How great would it be to live in a country that was so dedicated to stopping global warming?

Lex was also responsible for rebuilding Gotham after the quake that destroyed the city. Of course, Lex had an ulterior motive: he used his participation in the rebuilding efforts to mask the fact that he was altering real estate records and putting most of the city’s property under his name. Despite his evil intentions, it’s arguable that rebuilding the city generated jobs and restored confidence in the economy.

Captain America’s term as President is still unfolding, and he has a lot of work ahead of him. Texas has seceded and wants to detonate a nuke, Sentinels are everywhere, and HYDRA is working with Thor’s son to destroy the US once and for all. He’s working hard, but he’s yet to make any real strides so far.

The Winner

It’s clear: it would be way better to live under President Cap than President Lex. Sure, Lex did all the right things, but for all the wrong reasons. And really, would you trust a President that framed Bruce Wayne for murder? Let’s not forget that by the end of his time in office, he was dosed with Venom and went totally insane. The people’s choice is clear: Cap would be a way better President to live under.

Versus: The Hulk vs. A Dalek

Posted on by
Reply

The Hulk vs A Dalek

There’s nothing more fun than chilling with your buddies and having a friendly argument about who would win in a fantasy fist fight. If you’ve ever wondered which superhero or sci-fi character could deliver the biggest beatdown, The Geekout’s VERSUS is here to set the record straight.

In our first battle royale, Marvel’s not-so-jolly green giant squares off against the most famous alien race from “Doctor Who.” Let’s meet the combatants, shall we?

The Contenders

THE HULK

The Hulk

Created by: Stan Lee and Jack Kirby

Catchphrase: “HULK SMASH!”

Home planet: Earth (exiled to Sakaar in the “Planet Hulk” storyline)

Notable strengths: Incalculable physical strength, accelerated healing, resistance to mind control. In “The Avengers” film, it is hinted at that the Hulk can’t die when Banner reveals he tried to shoot himself in the head, but “the other guy” spit the bullet out.

Notable weaknesses: Takes the form of scrawny Bruce Banner when not transformed into the Hulk, can lose sight of larger goals when obsessed by fits of rage.

Origin story: While experimenting with dangerous gamma radiation during a project with the US military, Dr. Banner was exposed to lethal levels of radiation. But instead of dying, he gained the ability to transform into the super-powered Hulk whenever he gets angry or develops an elevated heart rate.

Most badass moment: Pummeling an immortal Norse god into the floor (without breaking a sweat) in the 2012 flick “The Avengers.”

Dalek

A DALEK

Created by: Terry Nation

Catchphrase: “EXTERMINATE!”

Home planet: Skaro

Notable strengths: Fearless. Vastly intelligent. Armor can withstand being submerged in water or travel in the vacuum of space. Eyestalk shoots a beam of energy that can kill with a single blast.

Some Daleks have the ability to use an “emergency temporal shift” to escape enemies by traveling to a different point in history.

Notable weaknesses: Eyestalk can be destroyed by concentrated weapons fire. Certain high-powered energy guns can penetrate the armor, as can explosives.

In the Fifth Doctor serial “Resurrection of the Daleks,” a virus is developed that can damage both the tissue of the Daleks, as well as their armored casing.

Surprisingly, modern Daleks are unfazed by stairs.

Origin story: Originally descended from a race of humanoid people, the mutant Daleks were created by evil genius Davros. They’ve been genetically engineered to be the most advanced warrior race in the universe: despite looking like squiddy little blobs, their battle armor makes them utterly fearsome and nearly invincible.

Most badass moment: When confronted with an army of five million Cybermen, a group of four Daleks is utterly unfazed. Dalek Sec quips, “We would destroy the Cybermen with one Dalek! You are superior in only one respect…You are better at dying!”

The Showdown

Hulk Smash!A rumble between the Hulk and a Dalek is a battle of the opposites. On the one hand, you have the Hulk, who takes all comers while wearing only a pair of purple pants to protect his junk. On the other hand, you have the Daleks: they’re arguably just as deadly, but face their enemies while encased in some of the most advanced battle armor ever devised.

If the Hulk faced off against a single Dalek, the green guy would definitely have his work cut out for him. Both creatures are serious survivors: the Hulk has survived being hit by gamma bombs and atom bombs on numerous occasions, while the Daleks are famous for being like intergalactic cockroaches: ask the Doctor to tell you just how hard they are to kill. Despite the Doctor’s best efforts, there were plenty of Daleks who escaped the ravages of the “time-locked” conflict of the Last Great Time War.

Clearly, the Hulk could crush a gooey little Dalek with a single fist…that is, assuming the Hulk can break through the battle armor. In the “Doctor Who” novel “I Am a Dalek,” it’s revealed that the armor is booby-trapped, and forcing it open can have disastrous consequences. Even without the casing, a Dalek could be deadly: an unshielded Dalek attacks and kills a solider in “Resurrection of the Daleks.”

Even a single, shielded Dalek can pose a huge threat, as fans learned in the 2005 episode “Dalek.” A rogue Dalek uses its mighty intellect to break free from a prison with a billion combinations on the lock, knocks out the power grid in seven US states, and kills hundreds of people. And if it had been a true Dalek, with none of Rose’s bio-influence, the death toll would have been much higher.

Gross Dalek

The Winner

Despite having superior firepower, armor, and special skills, a single Dalek is no match for the incredible Hulk. True, Daleks in the Cult of Skaro could “emergency temporal shift” to avoid defeat, but the Hulk’s list of previous accomplishments is just too impressive to ignore.

In Incredible Hulk Annual #5, the Hulk claps his hands together, resulting in a fierce whirlwind with as much force as a hurricane. In The Incredible Hulk #102, he jumps into the core of a planet and literally pulls the tectonic plates back together to keep the planet from crumbling apart.

Hulk Wins!And in Secret Wars, he had a mountain dropped on top of him. An actual, enormous mountain. And he just held it up over the heads of his friends until they could escape.

The Hulk’s no stranger to battling with aliens (take a look at Incredible Hulk #95 from 2006 where he delivers a serious beatdown to the massively powerful Silver Surfer.)

Not only is the Hulk strong, but he can recover from pretty much anything the Daleks could dish out. He’s healed a broken neck, regrown massive swathes of his own flesh, and has surprising powers of mental resistance as well. And should he need a break from the fight, the Hulk can just jump to higher ground: his powerful legs can shoot him into orbit, or up to 1,000 miles in a single bound on land.